Women and TLUG - a personal rant

[Christopher Browne]

On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 7:12 PM, Robert Brockway
<robert-5LEc/6Zm6xCUd8a0hrldnti2O/JbrIOy at public.gmane.org> wrote:
> On Mon, 9 Dec 2013, Renata Rocha wrote:
>
>> I like TLUG a lot, and used to attend the meetings. But you haven't
>> seen me at the meetings in a while, and probably won't see me anytime
>> soon.
>
>
> Hi Renata.  That's really a shame.  You were a regular attendee a few years
> ago when I was going regularly.
>
>> Some men who attend TLUG and we know who they are have a
>> predatory/harassing behaviour when in presence of women. If you attend
>> TLUG, have seen this happen and have ignored this behaviour of your
>> colleague, you are enabling violence against women to keep happening
>> at the TLUG environment, and keeping women away from the group.
>
>
> I haven't been to a meeting for a while as I'm out of the country for an
> extended period.  Could someone provide me with specific examples of these
> predatory/harassing behaviours?

I'm going to comment here, in the hopes of perhaps shutting
down some of the more speculative parts of this.

I have a bit more background on the matter, and don't want to
comment on that publicly as trouble lies down that road.
(I have learned things in confidence, and it would be wrong
to betray that.)

To summarize what seems reasonable to reveal:

Renata commented that she was made to feel uncomfortable at
some "predatory" action.  There were things done and said that
made her feel fearful.  The precise "whats" I'm not going to touch
here.

I'll step back to the point that she *felt fearful.*

Someone might respond with, "Oh, that wasn't what was meant.
She's mistaken."

That would be inappropriate; that would represent an assertion that
her feelings were wrong, and that she's somehow "broken" to have
felt that way.  And would, in effect lend another layer of "violence"
to the matter.

Even if she be mistaken (and, knowing more details, I think her
reaction was not unreasonable), it's a terrible thing to pretend
to invalidate feelings.  We're broadly "tech-heads" that like to figure
out and solve the behaviours of our mechanical systems, but this
situation isn't appropriate to that.

I suggest that people attempt to 'chill' a bit; there are parts of
the thread that are heading to nearly-Rob-Fordian levels of crazy,
and that does not help one iota.

This isn't a matter that is going to all be resolved today.

- There's some conversations that need to take place, which
actually *will* begin this evening.

- The Board will definitely have to weigh in on the matter, and
due to the disruptions of holiday schedules, the next scheduled
meeting is in late January.

Certainly "Rome isn't built in a day."

A lot of reactions are coming out of imagined things and
projections of one sort or another.  Please stop that; it
doesn't help.  I'm quite certain that I don't yet know what
is the appropriate action, but the whole set of "crazy" isn't
it.
--
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