Women and TLUG - a personal rant

Thu Jan 16 05:02:09 UTC 2014

How well you communicate can make or break your professional image. It
directly influences how others view your work and performance ? As well as
your prospects for career advancement and mobility ?

Unfortunately, being diplomatic, tactful and credible doesn’t always come
naturally to people ( it sure did not to me, it was a skill acquired over a
period of many long and hard years and still being worked upon. ) . Even
when it does, such communication can easily be derailed by emotions and
conflicts. As it has for me right now... am being pulled in many directions
right now :(

When Renetta first brought up this issue, though I have never met her or
know anything at all about her I was appalled. "I" have cousin sisters and
I thought what if someone did this to one of "my" sisters ? I do not think
I would be diplomatic nor tactful but promptly resort to physical assault
and battery and hell with the consequences. But that does not solve the
problem nor do I have any real desire to see Don Jail from the interior. (
Then again I do not prescribe to acts of violence of any kind..)

When a professor of all people used expletives I saw red, but I also wanted
to understand why would someone at that level use such language? After much
thought , I realized no matter what the credentials we are all human, with
all the weaknesses and failings that come with being human. Still, I took
matters into my own hands... I was angry and not thinking straight and i
did something I wish I had not now. Too late damage already done. ( The
expletives stopped though.. )

I believe in giving others the benefit of the doubt.. so I thought maybe
the person who made that outrageous generalization isn’t really
insensitive. Maybe this person has had a painful experience that made him
overreact ?  I tried to see things from both perspectives.

I am disappointed, and sad that I have to write this email to this
particular group. I am very new to the list but I have come to feel safe
and comfortable among you all in this short period. And I honestly believe
it is our diversity that is our strength. The diversity that brings
strength will also at times manifest in forms not acceptable to society or
our current environment.

If we as a group can work within an anti-oppressive framework that promotes
social justice and equity. And we strive to reduce the impact of racism,
sexism, heterosexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, ageism, classism,
and all other forms of any such phobia.

If we as a group are committed to the greater and *Meaningful
Involvement*of People in all aspects of our work, and we strive to be
transparent and
accountable I still feel we can make this work and work well as a group.

About Williams comment I only have this to say,

if one is a recently elected board member, that is a position in which and
one needs to demonstrate non-judgmental, non-offensive and responsible
behavior. And it is not my business to say anything other than I feel the
right thing to do would be to offer an apology and move forward together as
a group and put all this down to a lesson learnt ?

In Solidarity - Aruna  ( Yes I am fully aware speaking your mind can get
one killed.. )

On Wed, Jan 15, 2014 at 10:58 PM, Randy Jonasz <rjonasz-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:

>  On 14-01-15 10:40 PM, CLIFFORD ILKAY wrote:
>
> On 01/15/2014 10:12 PM, Randy Jonasz wrote:
>
> On 14-01-15 09:55 PM, Colin McGregor wrote:
>
> On Wed, Jan 15, 2014 at 9:15 PM, William Park <opengeometry-FFYn/CNdgSA at public.gmane.org>wrote:
>
>> On Wed, Jan 15, 2014 at 08:39:26PM -0500, Scott Elcomb wrote:
>> > On Wed, Jan 15, 2014 at 7:53 PM, William Park <opengeometry-FFYn/CNdgSA at public.gmane.org>
>> wrote:
>>  > > Come on, guys.  This bitching about TLUG meeting is strange to me
>> and
>> > > counter productive as group.  People come to the meeting because they
>> > > want to learning something, and people don't come to the meeting
>> because
>> > > they have nothing to learn.
>> >
>> > People come for other reasons as well. They also come for the
>> > community - I hate not making it out more often than I do.
>> >
>> > > Heckling and harassment are side issues.
>> >
>> > On the contrary, people are talking about why they no longer
>> > participate in person.  If community is the heart of GTALUG then
>> > meetings should be the lifeblood.  Such topics should not be dismissed
>> > out of hand.
>>
>>  What I mean is, they no longer participate because they see no need to
>> come to the meeting (e.g. Linux distros are easy to install, tons of
>> info on Web, etc.), and not because there is heckling.  That is, they
>> are acting in their own self interest.
>>
>> For example, if SAP were to present at TLUG and give free samples of
>> their software, I'd bet women would be more than happy to come in garter
>> belt and sucking on their favourite dildos.  I would attend, too, only
>> because I normally have to pay to see that.
>>
>
>  William,
>
> Sigh, the above sort of comment is part of the problem, not part of the
> solution...
>
>
>  Colin.
>
>
> I must admit William's comment took me by surprise and shocked me.  But in
> a free society where free speech is lauded and exported beyond our borders
> I must disagree with the condemnations.  Are we to censor ourselves so only
> anodine speech is acceptable?  Free speech involves the freedom to be
> offended.  If William wishes to represent himself as someone who
> objectifies women as sexual objects so be it.  Although he has my
> condolences.  Poor taste and a lack of judgement is no excuse for
> censorship.
>
>
> Randy, please refer to GSF#1 in the article Colin posted. While anyone is
> free to make a fool of themselves, others are free to hold them to account
> and condemn their behaviour. Comments like the ones made by William only
> serve to add insult to the original injury.
>
> Injury is a fact of life and on a list we can choose to ignore any thread
> we wish.  Expressing distaste for someone's behaviour is unproblematic but
> banning from the list is.
>
>
>
>  --
> Regards,
>
> Clifford Ilkay
> 647-778-8696
>
> Dinamis
> <http://dinamis.com> <http://dinamis.com>
>
>
>

-- 
*Aruna Hewapathirane*
Consultant/Trainer
Phone : 647-709-9269
Website: <http://goog_1768911931>Open Source
Solutions<http://sahanaya.net/aruna/>

<https://sites.google.com/site/arunahewapathirane/home/business-card/buisness-card.png?attredirects=0>
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