Women and TLUG - a personal rant

[Renata Rocha]

I've never had any problems with your behaviour, Colin, but I'm glad
you can do a self-assessment and apologize in public for mistakes you
might have done in the past. That's the right thing to do.

I dislike the idea of pointing at people and telling that they've done
this or that, as this accomplishes nothing - people need to realize
their own mistakes and how some attitudes affect negatively others. I
strongly believe in educating over punishing.

I'm a strong believer in consent and touching someone or making jokes
of crude nature without consent should not be tolerated at all. It's
*not funny* and when you ignore these attitudes two things are
happening:
- you're giving the person permission to keep doing it, as it were an
acceptable thing to do
- you're giving the rest of the group permission to do the same,
because nobody said anything against it

Then it escalates.

So when a female joins the group and sees another being a victim of
this, she expects to be treated the same way by the group, as it's
only logical.

And you all also know if a woman wanted to find a romantic partner,
TLUG would be the last place to go for it - there are plenty of online
services offering matchmaking these days.

I believe TLUG should be treated as a workplace, and if you wouldn't
say/do something to a woman at your workplace because of the
harassment/sexual harassment rules, then think twice before doing it
at TLUG.

Keyword: CONSENT.
Renata Rocha
http://renata.org


On Tue, Dec 10, 2013 at 8:16 AM, Colin McGregor <colin.mc151-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:
> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 12:19 PM, Renata Rocha <natzilla-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:
>>
>> I like TLUG a lot, and used to attend the meetings. But you haven't
>> seen me at the meetings in a while, and probably won't see me anytime
>> soon.
>>
>> Some men who attend TLUG and we know who they are have a
>> predatory/harassing behaviour when in presence of women. If you attend
>> TLUG, have seen this happen and have ignored this behaviour of your
>> colleague, you are enabling violence against women to keep happening
>> at the TLUG environment, and keeping women away from the group.
>>
>> I have myself promised not to come back to the meetings while I see
>> this kind of harassment in public being ignored, and the people who do
>> it not held accountable for their actions.
>>
>> What you can do: talk to these members and make them at least
>> apologize for their actions and make women feel safe and comfortable
>> again at the TLUG meetings. I'd love to learn and hang out with you,
>> but your environment is not welcoming for me and for other women in IT
>> I know. We're in this for the same reason as everyone else - learning
>> and sharing.
>>
>> (Yes yes I realize there's more than man/woman in the world, but for
>> this case specifically I wanted to keep the universe limited. )
>>
>> Renata Rocha
>> http://renata.org
>
>
>
> First let me note that I know my behavior has not been perfect, and for any
> distress I may have caused let me apologize.
>
> Beyond this there is at least one person who I know to be much, much worse
> than myself, who I don't know how to deal with. The temptation is to say
> "well that is so-and-so being so-and-so...", further knowing that short of
> the use of a baseball bat, so-and-so is not likely to change (so-and-so
> seems to enjoy playing the jerk too much...).
>
> I'm not sure what the way forward is (issuing baseball bats to the women who
> do show up at the meetings isn't a solution...), but I would like to see
> more women at GTALug meetings.
>
>
> Colin McGregor
>
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