I Am Now 34....

[Fabio FZero]

Well, you're discussing this with two people who've been together for
10 years and counting. We're together because it's worth it, and we
never really expected it to last. It's good so far and we don't see it
becoming bad in the foreseeable future, which is a good enough
proposition.

The point is: if it lasts "until death", excellent! But you shouldn't,
for example, try to salvage a situation where your relationship went
to hell just because "it should last forever, after all I said so
before a priest". That's actually the best way to make it all even
worse.

Humans have a really hard time trying to make everything permanent,
but the truth is that nothing lasts. The buddhists got that right -
and I admit this even being an all-out atheist.

The best way to be happy is to enjoy whatever you got, knowing that
everything changes and, eventually, ends. And that's fine.

- FZ

On Tue, Aug 17, 2010 at 11:05, Matt Seburn <mattseburn-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:
> On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 7:29 PM, Renata Rocha <natzilla-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:
>> On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 17:44, Matt Seburn <mattseburn-Re5JQEeQqe8AvxtiuMwx3w at public.gmane.org> wrote:
>>> To each their own.  Just saying - if you expect to be with another for
>>> the rest of your life, you need to also expect change and compromise.
>>
>> I think the point here is expecting to be with someone for the rest of
>> your life - this is an unrealistic expectation.
>
> The original point was my response to the idea that change (weight
> gain, less sex) and compromise in a relationship are a problem.  My
> point applies to all relationships, lifelong or not.  It even applies
> to friendships.  You cannot have a long-term relationship of any kind
> with another person without also expecting to compromise and adapt to
> change.
>
> And, I disagree that expecting to be with someone for the rest of your
> life is unrealistic - there are plenty of relationships that really do
> last "till death do us part".  My grandparents, for example, were
> (very happily) married from 1951 until my grandfather's death in
> March.
>
>> One should expect to be with someone while happiness and love last.
>
> I used to think this way.  I am a lot happier now.
>
> Happiness and love ebb and flow like the tide.  If you believe that
> "low tide" means it is time to move on, you are setting yourself up to
> miss out on a lot of what a relationship has to offer.  There is
> something special about having so much history with someone that you
> remember when you were in a different place in life, or were different
> people.  There is also something to be said for the familiarity and
> comfort of being with someone you know so well.
>
> Of course, all that depends on finding the right person - a match
> worthy of a lifelong commitment.  The trick is figuring out when to
> invest, and when to move on.  Sometimes the tide will come back,
> sometimes it is out for good.
>
>> --
>> Renata Rocha
>> http://renata.org
>> http://www.linkedin.com/in/renatarocha
>> --
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